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When Your Dreams Die

December 20, 2008

What do you do when your dreams die? I guess it’s one thing when your dreams are your own — when nothing influenced you to pursue them. But what happens when you feel that you were led to your dreams by God? And suddenly, it is impossible to realize them?

I feel like my dream has died. It’s a dream I have been working towards for the past four to six years. That’s a whole lot of time and energy invested in it.

The goal was to become a doctor. And I believed that God had it in His plans for me to go this way. Actually, faith had a huge influence in my choosing of this path. I felt that this would be a path through which I could really touch others for God. I dreamt of going overseas to work with the sick. I imagined myself walking the the white halls of a large medical center talking, touching, poking, prodding, and teaching.

Had it not been for this belief, I probably would have gone into law or business, or even engineering. Something else. But I believed this was what God wanted for me. And I guess I wanted it too.

I heard the encouraging remarks along the way. God will equip you for what He has planned. I even looked back over my journey and thought, “How did I get this far, if not for God’s blessing?”

But I received my grades and discovered that had failed an exam I needed to pass. A psychopathology course. It’s ironic that the specialty that I considered was the one that got me.

And when my dream died I wondered, “Really? Does God really give us what we need?” Or I must’ve heard Him wrong all along. Because my dream has died due to my own ineptitude — something I thought God should’ve helped me overcome if this was what He wanted me to do.

It’s not like I didn’t ask. I did ask. I asked for God’s blessing on the path I was on. I asked for strength, for wisdom, and successful days (meaning that I accomplished what I needed to accomplish each day). And I asked a lot. Almost twice, daily.

To have failed in this endeavor is painful. I feel like someone close to me has died. Like I have died. Well, maybe, just the me-that-would-have been has died.

R.I.P. El Medico Eduardo

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